hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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