i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
