My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this boner is exhausting
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
