you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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