ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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