you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
