you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
