Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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