Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
