Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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