Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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