So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
