we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
