Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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