Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
