yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
