Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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