I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
