His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
