Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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