I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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