hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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