i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize