how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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