i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
