dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The best revenge is premature balding
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize