Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
