I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
