dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
