Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize