is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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