I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
