Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.