you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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