I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
