roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum