If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.