i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.