I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Less talking, more tequila
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina