I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Life is so much better after having sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
