Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
