i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
