If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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