Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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