Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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