So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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