id be glad to
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
