Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
