Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
