i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
