I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
