3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
