gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All the doctor said was why
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
