Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize