where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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