How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
