You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
