so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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