I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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