well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
