Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
