I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
