oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
