You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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