What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
