We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
