turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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