3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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