just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sober January is a disaster.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
