he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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