a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
