He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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