did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Success! We fucked roommates!
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