well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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