is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
