i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
