I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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