he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
