where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
