Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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