K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
