We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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