Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
