so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
