Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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