my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
