it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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