need another drink. this is the easiest way
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
