After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
