gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I love you.
Bad choice
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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